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Monday, December 24th, 2001
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4:58 pm
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I can't even believe this is Christmas Eve. Doesn't feel like it at all. Normally I would be bugging my family to death to open a present. I'm not opening a present tonight. Jason isn't here to fight with and make sausage balls with. *sighs* The *only* time I want him home, he can't be home.
I went up to Geno's for a while today. Had so much fun with him. I love just laying there with him and being happy. It was perfect. Except a few times when he got aggrivated with me for being paranoid and weird. That's okay though. My fault. :) I got my present today!!! I love it! :) Thank you sweety!!
Doesn't feel at all like tomorrow is Christmas. At all. I seriously feel like it's just another day. Tomorrow Geno is coming up to have Christmas dinner with me. It will be Mom, Dad, Jason, his girlfriend... well by tomorrow his fiancee, Geno, and me.
Me: You want to see what Geno got me?
Mom: I hope not an engagement ring.
Dad: WHAT?!?!
Me: God!
*smile* Ugh.
current mood: melancholy
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| Sunday, December 23rd, 2001
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11:27 pm
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Today has been a good day. Felt much better after having a talk with two people. Thanks a lot. :)
I got up, went to church. Then after that, went up to Norton and Wise with Amesha. *smile* Amesha was turned down twice in Dad's CD. LOL I can't remember a lot about that trip. Just that it was a lot of funny. :) As always.
I am really in the mood to write stuff and watch Mad Love. Great movie. I think I will start that journal I was suppose to have started a few weeks ago. Haha.
Yesterday was good. Well, some parts, towards the end was horrible. Anyways, that day sat around all day, then Amesha came home at 6:00 and we went to Norton. On the way back, as most of you all know, my car died. Ugh. At first I was really mad and upset because that made the third time, well then thanks to Amesha everything was fine. We just watched cars for about 30 min. *sigh* Daddy came and picked us up. Thanks Aims for caring and trying to make sure we were okay. :) Anyways, today daddy and mom went to go put a new battery in it, well, that didn't work cause well, it died... AGAIN tonight. I BARELY made it to church. Had to run a redlight, because if I stopped my car it wouldn't have went again. Haha. Anyways, I made it to church and daddy made it home with my car, but I am not driving it again until it is completely fixed, even then I will stay close to home. *smile*
Last night Amesha, Geno, and I went to the movies with Josh and Aaron. That was fun. Aaron is a little... uh.. to touchy/feely. Ya know? I got to drive Josh's car up there. A new red neon. I liked it alot. I scared them at one point. Dudes.. I had it under control. *smile*
I gave Geno his present tonight. He seemed to like. So yay. I get mine tomorrow. YAY!! I can't wait to spend Christmas with Geno. Going to be great. *smile*
Well he just called. Blah. So I guess I'm out.
* mc
current mood: okay
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5:10 pm
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I saw the engagement ring. *tear* Maybe I am making to much of this. All I've ever wanted growing up was for him to just leave. *sighs* It's still a *far* way off, but still sad to know it's happening.
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12:40 am - Why?
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I am not letting my feelings show anymore. I am such a bad person. I freak out over nothing. I cry about everything. I get mad over anything. It's so bad. Makes me want to die so much. I hate my life. I hate the way I am. I hate that I can't be normal and have to go on fucking medication because of it. It's NOT fair. WHY ME?! Why am I so weird and messed up? Why out of SO many people did I get picked to be so fucked up?
In other news, I found out my brother was really worried about me and was about to go hunting after me. Normally that would have made me SO happy and that's exactly something I've been needing all day, but I didn't get to enjoy that. Things weren't right between Geno and me, so that kind of ruined that special moment. That's my fault though. Ugh.
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| Saturday, December 22nd, 2001
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3:01 pm - My brother...
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I am going to miss Jason. It's going to be a while before he leaves home, but still. I know we don't get along and we have never had any type of communication except to yell at each other. I have only felt loved by him twice in my life. He doesn't really like me. He loves me, because I am his sister and that's only because of that. He has just bought Chasity an engagement ring. *sigh* I thought I would be happy because it means he'd be closer to leaving home. I was at first, then I got to thinking about it. I just wish we would have been close. It really makes me cry to think about it. On Christmas Eve who will I open one present with? Then on Christmas morning who will make fun of me and laugh with me because of stupid things. That is about the only time of year we are a family and he's just taking that away. Jason won't even be here on Christmas Eve with me, because he will be with Chasity asking her to marry him. I guess that's life, but I just wish things would have been different earlier on.
current mood: sad
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| Friday, December 21st, 2001
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11:54 pm - First two days of break
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Thursday: Got up at 6:00 that morning to get ready and go to Grassy with Geno. Sat and talked to his mom and dad, while Geno tried to get out of the bed. Then we went up there, got there, it was *SO* cold. Then we went wondering around the house and then walked up to the lake. Walked around the lake some. I, had a little mishap with Earth. It got me. Ruined my shoes, and then I started claying around my feet. Extreme discomfort. *smile* Then we went back to the house, played Monopoly with his dad. Who is mean and knocked me out of the game. *pout* *smile* Then Geno and I came back to my house, I changed out of my muddy clothes and then Amesha came up and we went to see Lord of the Rings. It was seriously I good movie! I know I talked a bit, but it was good. Amesha decides to rub all up on Seth Lane though. *laugh* Then Amesha stayed with me that night. We had some good talks about a lot of things. She made me feel better about things. So thank you Amesha. :)
Friday: Got up at 8:00 this morning to get ready and go to Gatlinburg at 10:00. Well, we left for Gatlinburg at 11:00 *smile* On the way up there time flew by. We were there in like no time at all. That was good. Then we got on the ice, where me, Amesha, and Geno just held on to the rail most of the time while Jeff, Amy, and Jason all went flying around us. Geno was so pitiful. He was so bad, but then my sweety got much better. We actually didn't fall any. Amesha, however, about had a collision with some man. It was funny!!
Me: Hey, watch this.
Me: *attempts to push Amesha down*
Good times. Then we went walking around Gatlinburg a little bit. Saw the hot dog that was made straight out of heaven, right Geno? *smile* Then went to eat. I ate LOTS and LOTS and still didn't get completely filled. Shew man. Then we went to this knife place where Amesha, Geno, and I found the marble kingdom. *smile* I can't talk much of this subject, it's just for the "Four soul-mates". We only have three, but the fourth one will have to go to Gatlinburg and find his destiny. :) So I want that big pot for Christmas. That was a LOT of fun. Seriously. *smile* Then on the way back Geno sang to me. Haha. Actually he just sang non-stop. Well, most of us did, but that's cool.
So the past couple days have been really great. I haven't talked to Aimee, Lora, or Jess though. So hopefully I will get to talk to all of the above tomorrow and hopefully get to do something with at least one of them sometime soon.
Tomorrow I am going to lay around all day and when Amesha gets home from KY, we are going back up to Norton and Wise and me, her, and Geno are going to this church thing. So yay. The three of us have been doing a lot of hanging out lately. I'm glad Amesha doesn't feel like a third wheel, cause she isn't at all. I'm *REALLY REALLY* glad they get along and like each other and everything. Even though I get jealous when Geno can laugh and talk to her and is being distant towards me. *smile* No jealous like "oh they want each other" just because he wont laugh and talk to me. But that's over with. Everything is good and we are all doing fine. Haha. *smile*
I've been thinking a lot lately. Geno is the best boyfriend I could ever have. I feel *SO* lucky to be with him and to have him. I think Amesha is the only one that really understands and grasps how Geno and I are. *smile* I really really regret telling some people stuff, though. Blech.
current mood: grateful
current music: Green Day "Maria"
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| Thursday, December 20th, 2001
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12:17 am
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I am kind of annoyed at a friend. She is being stupid and doing stupid things just for attention. It's ridiculous. It really is. I feel bad that she has to act and do stuff like that, to make herself seem "cool" or whatever.
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| Wednesday, December 19th, 2001
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1:49 pm
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Jess: "I like to play with myself"
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1:35 pm - My results from taking "What Do You Want in a Man" haha
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Romance
Although you're a sucker for romance, you'll probably cut a guy some slack even if he doesn't constantly pamper you with gifts and affection. You crave passion in your relationships, so you want a guy who can (and will) express his deepest feelings for you through his actions. Someone like Richard Gere or George Clooney, perhaps? But you know that men aren't very romantic, so you're willing to lower your standards in this area if need be. Chances are you're willing to stick around once the courting period ends, though it's still very important that your guy occasionally dote upon you. Your realistic-yet-hopeful outlook will guarantee you a good catch!
Maturity
There's no denying that men are like fine wine ? they definitely get better with age. It's not hard to understand why, when you consider all the benefits of getting older, which is why you like your guys a bit older and more mature. Suave and sophisticated, a mature-yet-fun man ? like Regis Philbin or Kelsey Grammer's "Frasier" character ? would be more likely to settle down into a real relationship and make a lasting commitment. On the other hand, your answers show that you don't go for stiffs who can't crack a joke. What's the point if there's no spontaneity, right? It sounds like you go for guys with experience and a sense of humor that's dry as a fine Chablis, but with a hint of spice.
Lifestyle
Love doesn't come cheap, but it doesn't have to be all that expensive, either. It sounds like you're not very concerned about your ideal man's financial situation. Of course, we all dream of living well, but it's a mistake to mix your expectations of love with your hopes for a first-class lifestyle. Based on your answers, it seems like money isn't a real romantic concern for you. On the airplane of love, you're just as happy traveling coach as first class. (Two TV guys who live up to your financial expectations ? or lack thereof ? are Chandler and Ross from "Friends.") Being detached from materialist concerns is a healthy, realistic attitude and should help make you happy. It means that when Mr. Right crosses your path, you'll be sure to recognize him and not worry about the size of his wallet.
Looks
You seem to know instinctively that love is blind, so why rule out any potential suitors? Sure, you probably prefer a looker (who doesn't?!), but you don't have strict standards by which you measure a potential date's physical appearance. Nicolas Cage? Ben Stiller? Just your style. Not only does this tendency reflect your innate good nature, but it also indicates that you'll be more apt to find your ideal man, since you're not someone who shuts the door on anyone who couldn't make a magazine cover. Of course, just because you're willing to look past the surface doesn't mean that your guy will be anything less than stunning. Whoever he is and whatever he looks like, you'll find him because your mind and heart are open.
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12:59 pm - Jess, you are hated.
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Jess doesn't have friends anymore. No one likes her. She is not cool. Boooo on you for being such a lamer, Jess. Damn.
So yeah, today has been good. We all had "nice" talks at lunch. LOL That was funny. Second block I did good on my test and we took noted for the exams. Blah. I hate exams.
Today, I have to work. I don't want to work. Not that hard stuff we have to do anyway. That sucks. I do get paid though, so that's cool. Then I come home and get ready for church.
I might be going to the mall with Lora tomorrow. I don't know though, I was really looking forward to sleeping in. *hehe* I want to go, though. So who knows.
Friday I am going ice skating in Gatlinburg. I am going to be dragging Geno down with me. There will be no way I can do it, but it'll be fun to bust my butt every two seconds. *smile*
Well I am ready for this day to be over. Woooo. It doesn't feel like that last day.
Thanks for the movie Jess!! :) *hugs*
I love the happyness going through the school. Everyone just seems so happy and is getting along. It's great.
Have a good break guys!!!!
* mc
current mood: happy
current music: Green Day "I Want to Be Alone"
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| Monday, December 17th, 2001
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10:41 pm
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"But I want you around!!! Who would sing DMB songs to me if there was no Mandy?" - Lora Williams
Possibly the sweetest thing I have heard all day. Made me happy. Thanks girl! :)
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1:59 pm - I'm NOT that bad!! Swear!!!!
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Ooo hoo ? you're one evil muther. Your heart is blacker than Darth Vader's helmet. For goodness' sake, next time think about that old lady's feelings before you push her down the escalator. And, really ? you know as well as anyone that dropping kitties out the window to see if they can land on their feet is just an excuse to act evil. Yes, it's all part of being a free spirit who doesn't answer to anyone. Right or wrong, it's a fun way to live. But be careful ? it all comes full-circle in the end.
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1:55 pm
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On top of:
Jess: About to pee on herself
Those two guys: Gagging
Brett: "Rocking out"
and my snorting, I'd say everything is good. :)
Me: You slobbered on me
Brett: *laugh* Cool
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1:01 pm
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I hate living with the way I am. Not EVEN five minutes ago, I was fine and happy and doing good. Not five minutes later, I am sad and depressed and just not wanting to be around. Ugh. I hate that.
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12:51 pm
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Well, this morning, I get to school. Courtney gave me some popcorn! It was YUM! She made to much when she was making it, so she gave the rest to me. Thanks girl! :)
Tomorrow we are watching a movie or something in Coach Roop?s class. OMG! I freaked out. Today I was sitting at the desk with Roop and all of a sudden there is this loud BOOM and like something is on the floor. I thought for sure someone threw that frickin stapler at me, but it was just me knocking stuff off his desk. *hehe* My bad. *smile*
Well, Jess, being as dumb as she is told me what she got me for Christmas. Thanks though girl! Sorry I won't be able to come Friday. :(
Gene, I?m sorry for kind of freaking out last night. I?m sorry that I?m so weird about some things.
* mc
current mood: nervous
current music: This Christmas music she keeps playin. Ugh.
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| Sunday, December 16th, 2001
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12:12 am
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Full Name: Amanda Jean Collins
Nicknames: Pumpkin *smile*
Siblings: One brother, Jason
Girlfriend or Boyfriend: Yep!
Birthdate: June 24, 1985
Screen Name(s): freespirit, dreamer, and mc
Where You Live: Big Stone Gap, VA
Section 2: MORE INFO
Favorite Salad Dressing: Ranch
Have You Ever Gone Skinny Dipping: Yeah
Favorite Movie: *thinks* I have no idea
Favorite Book: I like just about every book I read
Favorite Type Of Music: All kinds ?cept country and rap
Favorite Car: Neon
Type Of Car You Have Now: Saturn
Favorite Fast Food: BK or Arby?s
Favorite Ice Cream: Moose Tracks
Favorite Pop: Dr. Pepper
Favorite Holiday: Christmas
Favorite Food: Chicken
Favorite Television Show(s): Friends and Passions
Favorite Radio Station: 95.9
Favorite Junk Food: Anything
Favorite Candy: these strawberry dealies
Favorite color: Blue or Green
Favorite Sound: The ocean at night or a storm
Favorite Smell: Tropical Vanilla
Favorite brand of gum: Extra
Favorite animal: I have a thing for tigers and snakes lately. Probably cats and dogs though.
Favorite place to sleep: Probably Amesha?s bed. haha It?s so comfy!
Favorite thing to do in the summer: Hang out on Amesha?s porch *smile*
Winter: Watch the snow *smile*
Section 3: THE FUTURE
School: I want to go to this school in CA
How Many Kids You Want: A boy and a girl
What kind of job do you want? I have no idea; I want to own something, I think.
You Want To Get Married: Yes! But I keep getting turned down *laugh* j/k. Yes, someday.
QUESTIONS 3: HAVE YOU EVER:
Been In Jail: Not that I recall.
Done Drugs: Unfortunately
Ran Away From Home: Tried lol
Hit A Girl: Yeah
Hit a guy: Yeah
Stolen anything: Of course not! :)
Broken A Bone: Yep
Cheated On A Test: Almost every test I take
Stripped: People SAY I have, but I think it was just made up. *smile*
Been With Two girls/guys At Once: Nope
Been In The Hospital: Yeah
Cheated on anyone: Yeah
Been cheated on: Yeah
QUESTIONS 4: WHICH IS BETTER:
Coke Or Pepsi: Either
Cats Or Dogs: Hendrix *smile*
One Pillow Or Two: One
Deaf Or Blind: 6 feet under
Pools Or Hot Tubs: Both
Television Or Radio: Both
CDs Or Tapes: CD's
Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese Doritos?: Cool Ranch
Mud wrestling or JELLO wrestling?: Mud!!
QUESTIONS 5: WHAT IS:
Love: So many things.
The Thing That Makes You The Happiest: Friends, Geno, DMB, and stupid little stuff. :)
The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To You: A lot of good things have happened I guess.
Your Favorite Slow Song: DMB ?Crush?
The grossest thing you've ever eaten: Guacamole
Your biggest fantasy: *smile*
The best feeling in the world: Being in love
The worst feeling in the world: Depression and emptiness and feeling unloved
The scariest thing that ever happened: When I thought I was going to lose Geno or when I thought Amber was in that car wreck.
The best number in the world: 7 or 22
Best memory of this year: LOL I couldn?t even choose one
A memory you miss the most: Any past memory of my friends and going to the lake with my family
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT:
Abortion: Hate it
Lesbians: I don?t judge
Love: *smile*
Death: Doesn?t scare me
QUESTIONS 9: WHO:
Makes You Laugh The Most: Geno and all my friends
Do you hate: No one, actually
Knows The Most About You: Geno
Do you trust the most: I won?t mention names.
Who is the most down to earth: Amesha
Has It Easier, Guys Or Girls: Guys
Loudest person You Know: Aims!
Craziest Person You Know: Aims
Weirdest Person You Know: Geno, Aims, Amesha, Lora *smile*
Are you thinking about right now: Geno
Who do you miss the most: Amesha and Lora
MORE USELESS BUT NEAT INFORMATION
Do You Ever Save AOL Conversations: No
Do You Save Emails: I delete nothing
Do You Save Pictures People Send You: Yeah
When Are You Usually Online: Mostly between 10:00 and 11:00
Do You Like Motorcycles: Either way
What Are Your Favorite Stores: I like all stores pretty much
Are You A Player: Nope
When Do You Go To Sleep: When I am with Geno or talking to Geno *hehe*
When Do You Wake Up: Whenever
What's underneath your bed: Good question
What do you wear to bed: my jammies and a shirt
Is your bed made: Of course
Where do you wish you were right now: sitting on my balcony at the beach reading a book
Are you righty, lefty, or ambidextrous: Lefty
What's on the walls of your room: Posters and shelves
Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: Not exactly
Do you eat chicken with a fork or your fingers: Doesn?t matter.
When was the last time you took a shower?: This morning.
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| Saturday, December 15th, 2001
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11:23 pm
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Went to work today. It was pretty cool. Lots of work preparing the upstairs and that kind of sucked. I got to work with a new girl, Candice. She is really cool. She seems so nice. :) She basically paid for mine and Adrienne's lunch cause we didn't have money. *hehe* Oh well. Next time we will get her lunch.
Well, tonight I went to Reno's with Aims, Lora, and Geno. Shew. I'm so stupid. I messed up the place Aims, Lora, and I were supposed to meet. Well we finally get to Reno's and I think this guy got kind of mad at me for being stupid. I thought the guy that got hurt on the football game was the mascot. Geez. Sorry guy. Then this guy comes and sits at the table and is like "How is everything? Can I get you refills?" Then he looks at Geno and is like "Uhh can I get you a refill" and Geno doesn't answer him. Geez. Then Aims starts laughing and he looks at her and says "Are you okay?" LOL What a weirdo. Lora just rambles on about her salad while Aims, Geno, and I are fighting. :)
Then I go back to Geno's. We fight, I leave his house, but I turn around and come back. Then things started getting okay. I'm so bad for Geno. I love him so much, that's why I don't think he should be with me. It would break my heart, but he says that I do make him happy. *sighs* I just wish I could be *SO* much better for him. :( It just breaks me heart to know that he could have so much better, but at the same time it makes me happy, that he fell in love with me. *sighs* I told him something I really wish I wouldn't have told him. Now I don't know what he thinks of me. I don't know if he will think about it more and think I am a horrible person, I don't know if he will end up hating me, I don't know if he thinks I am completely weird and mental. I just don't know. I am sorry for everything Geno. For being so weird and bitchy and just so not good for you. I am so sorry.
I think I have extreme paranoia. Not constantly though. Just when I start thinking a lot about things. I get super paranoid about nothing and I start freaking out and I have no idea why. I don't know. *sighs*
current mood: down
current music: Oasis "Wonderwall"
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| Friday, December 14th, 2001
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11:58 pm - Our lives together
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Aims and I have big plans for the future. Geno has no say in it. Neither does Aims's future hubby. *laugh*
Okay here's how it's going to be. Aims and I are going to be sisters. Oh yeah, Geno finally said he's marry me. haha. Anyway, so while our husband's go and make LOTS of money, Aims and I are going to sit in our little beach condo's, watch Passions, then go swim in our pool's. :) Then on the weekend's we are going on big shopping spree's! We are going to be all pretty and everything. YAY!
HELL YEAH! *smile*
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11:41 pm - "...someday you will find me, caught beneath the landslide..."
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I have so much fun with Geno. Just laying there in his arms is great. Just laying there acting like jungle animals is great. *hehe* Just being with him is awesome. There is nothing that we keep from each other. I am really comfortable with him and he is comfortable with me. We are going to get older and be together for a long time. *smile* We are going to live together when I turn 18. If we are still together, which I really think we will be. I couldn't stand to not have him. :) He makes me feel complete.
Well I just heard something gross and disturbing. Sorry 'guy' but my boyfriend doesn't go that way. *smile*
Saw Dave Matthews on TV today. Whoa. I could have clawed Geno to death. But I pretty much kept cool. *smile*
I think tomorrow the girls and I are going to do something sometime after I get off work. So that will be fun.
I don't want to go to work, but then again, I do only go like every other week. I think that's why I dread it, because I am not in the habit of work. Not yet. *cringe*
Gah! Jess today decides to throw something "personal" of mine around the room in third block. Then in Cawood's class, when I go to the bathroom, Jess, Josh, Cody, and Brett all get them out and try and hide them. C'mon guys! That aint cool! *smile*
Well, I'm going to go talk to Courtney, make plans with Aims, and fight with Buzz, and wait for Geno to call. I'm out
* mc
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1:30 pm
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Jess just took the CD I was about to listen to. Damn her. Life sucks.
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freespirit's journal